I can’t drive 55, actually I just can’t drive.

I can’t drive 55, actually I just can’t drive.



Jack Hogan, Dimo jewelry store robbery, Georgia, courtesy of Fox newsWow. I just can’t get enough of these stupid jewelry store robbery stories. It never ceases to amaze me that criminals continue to act exactly as I expect them to act, like total losers. And apparently I’m not alone in experiencing this belief structure. In a statement that Robert Dimo of Dimo’s Fine Jewelry in Gainesville, Georgia made to a local news station, he said that it didn’t appear that the thief had any clue what he was doing. The alleged thief has been identified as Jack Hogan of New Hampshire, who just “ran around the store knocking down cases, trying to get into the watches,” but only came away with 50 pairs of earrings.

“To be honest, it looked like I was watching a YouTube video of the world’s dumbest criminal” said Dimo, “I mean, it was just stupidity, just total stupidity.” A friend of mine is fond of saying “You can’t fix stupid!” and I’m beginning to think that he might be on to something.

Perhaps the bar has been set too low for what is required to get a drivers license. Clearly Hogan is incapable of operating a motor vehicle, he crashed his vehicle three times during this crime spree. Once into a Piggly Wiggly market, once into the jewelry store, and then one last time during the pursuit which resulted in his capture.

Hogan has been charged with first degree burglary, DUI and failure to maintain lane, which means that he was apparently under the influence at the time all this went down. There are reports that there was evidence of stolen property from other robberies in his vehicle. The only thing that would make this stupid chain of events even more amusing, and more appropriate, would be if Hogan had crashed his car into the local jail.

Photo courtesy of Fox news.

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